My Adventures in Sucking.

This past weekend I attended the Advanced Speakers Academy in Kelowna, presented by the incredible Hugh Culver and boy did I get my money’s worth! When I was asked to go with my cousin, Mo (a kickass keynote speaker and community engagement rock star), I definitely felt in over my head, to say the least. The part that made me laugh was the literal fact that I was daring myself to suck – in front of a dozen seasoned speakers and doubted my performing experience from high school was worth mentioning… *gulp.

I had no idea what to expect and designed an alliance with myself to approach the two days as an open-eyed learner – no faking it till I made it – that I’d be open and honest about my newbie status and would drink in the experience and wisdom I was about to receive. Doing this made it a WHOLE lot easier to walk through those doors.

Immediately after introducing myself to the other attendees I felt this reassuring sense of how we are all just people wanting to spread our messages to a bigger audience and make an impact on the world. My nerves began to calm a little bit more. Let’s do this.

Hugh dove in with his infectious enthusiasm, humour and ridonkulous experience on the subject and I was fascinated by the world of professional speaking. With every story he told there were invaluable how to’s, tips, tricks and helpful templates and systems to build a solid, organized business as a speaker and facilitator. He consistently delivered ‘one-two punch’ after another. I couldn’t stop writing and was glued to his every word.

And then, it was time for us to give it a go… on video. Faaack.

As we were handed random numbers I quickly ducked out to use the ladies room and gather myself. It was as if my heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest. When I returned I discovered I was number 11 out of 12… SWEET! And then found out he was going in REVERSE! Son of a…! My head was spinning and as much as I’d tried to rehearse my 3 minute story, it felt as though it was slipping away, one sentence at a time… oh crap.

The first speaker began and she was incredible – clear, powerful, articulate and smooth…. uuggh. (AM I REALLY GOING TO DO THIS?!!) Let’s just say the universe decided to hit fast forward and it was my turn. So up I got with a huge smile on my face and a nervously giddy came over me as if the sucking had already happened. Something inside just said “Well, you’re here now lady… just LET GO and enjoy the ride!”

I told the story about how I chose my theme this year of “Daring to Suck” – that this past year was one of huge transformation for me as I embraced my passion to become a life/business coach and help others make BIG things happen.

I relived the moment I first heard this phrase during one of my training workshops, when our instructors noticed we were trying to make the coaching look “pretty”. I remember she stopped the exercise and said “Don’t be afraid to get messy. Your messy could be exactly what your client NEEDS to have a breakthrough. Swing wide, take chances, look foolish for THEIR sake! The worst thing to come from it with be an incredible amount of learning – for both of you! I DARE YOU TO SUCK! ”

And there it was.

I immediately began to imagine the impact on a life lived in this perspective. What if we all dared to suck at something that we really wanted to try (in spite of the fear we had)? Knowing that yes, we might completely flop and look like an idiot but amidst the embarrassment, there is something so rich and juicy about living this way. That it‘s worth it, even if you only got a great story out of it. To live daringly. I fell in LOVE with this concept.

So in my Aha moment, I blurted out “Alright, I need that printed on a t-shirt!”

… and as the words hung in the air, in front of my 40 fellow coaches in training, the picture of me in this shirt came to mind, walking around in the world (and heads up, I’m a well-endowed, breastfeeding momma at this point). And then I immediately wished I had never said it, retracting “Never mind, that’s a terrible idea… terrible.”

I believe my next move was to put my face in my hands, shaking my head from side to side, DYING! The image had obviously made its way around the room everyone burst out laughing around me. And even though I was horrified that I disrupted things to this level, I experienced what it was like in real-time to actually suck… and there was something pretty fantastic about it.

Soon my three minutes in front of Hugh and the group was over and there I was, living the dream and daring to make mistakes but also knowing that I was learning and growing every second I was up there. I was really proud of myself and beamed from ear to ear as I openly received their feedback. The relief itself was a drug. I even managed to do get up two more times and it wasn’t any less scary, but so worth it.

I learned that although I’m still very ‘green’, I can actually hold my own as an speaker and really want to take what I’ve learned and try to make a bigger impact in the world – even if to simply see what happens. I’m also excited to have a shiny new goal to work towards and make happen. I almost don’t recognize myself in saying this … ca-razy.

And what I want for us all is to consider this life-changing (albeit rude sounding) phrase as we walk through our lives and to pay attention to those deep desires and wants as well as the fear holding us back. So, get out there and try to suck at something.

I dare you.

K

Daring to Suck!

In my quest for living a bigger, more purpose-driven life, my theme for 2013 is “Dare to SUCK!” which was a phrase I took away from one of my weekend coach training sessions challenging us to swing wide with our clients and take risks. So this approach is going to be perfect for me this year, where I plan to put myself in situations where I don’t have all the answers and seek to try new things. To expose myself to new experiences, new people and to do it all being unattached to the outcome – meaning I could completely fall flat on my face, in front of a LOT of people… and it not MEAN anything, other than I gave it a go and (hopefully) learned something. The more I think about this, the more I wonder “What the hell are you thinking??!! You know the Universe is listening, right?”

That being said, I developed the following strategy to help keep me moving forward when I get stuck and want to retreat (anybody who’s read Scaredy Squirrel to your kids might recognize the approach):

Step 1: PANIC! (aka Let Go and Feel it all) – Surrender to the discomfort, messy, ugly cry, frustration of being stuck and say all the irrational crap out loud that I am telling myself. Leave no stone unturned. Exorcise that shit in a big way and clear the way for what lies underneath, which is hopefully, rational thinking and my true inner voice of reason and wisdom that wants more for me.

Step 2: Take a deep breath, figure out what I need and (ahem..) ASK FOR HELP! I choose to draw on the richness of experience and wisdom from others around me (friends, colleagues, family) and if it’s not there then I commit to seek it out – research, expanding my network, reading, classes. I choose to be an empowered participant, for the sake of walking into awesome!

This step is a toughie hard, especially because I really want to look good, do things perfect the first time and appear to have my shit together, but it’s amazing what happens when I don’t rely on others to read my mind, or better yet, test them to see how well they know me – because they SHOULD know, right? Been there, done that and it’s a dangerous game I no longer want to play.

Step 3: TAKE THE HELP, I asked for it! Shut off the voices of resistance/pride/ego in my head, say “Thank You” and open up my mind, ears and take in what I don’t know. I need to remember that NOBODY ever did anything worthwhile or impactful ALONE. Nobody. I will find comfort in this fact and consider tattooing it somewhere I can see it anytime I need to.

Step 4: TRUST AND LEAP INTO THE UNKNOWN! Whatever it is I want to do or try, I will take what I know, suck up some fierce courage and TRUST that no matter what happens, trying and failing miserably (worse case scenario) is truly better than not trying at all. And who knows, I might not only inspire others to do the same but inspire MYSELF to keep going! I can also sense some hilarious stories to come from this place and I love me a good story to share J This thought is almost exciting… where I can practically feel the desire TO fail…haha!

So how am I going to be applying the above? I have officially committed to achieving the following goals over the coming months and they each, scare the crap out of me in their own way:

To Becoming An Amazing CERTIFIED Co-Active™ Coach

During my certification, I will be challenged BIGTIME to get more courageous with clients for the sake of their growth and goals. Meaning, I need to let go of looking good and to make mistakes, do the irrational, crazy, out of the box approaches that come to me in the moment. What makes this easier is the latter part of that first sentence. I’d do anything for these amazing people that come into my life and I want them to experience whatever shift or transformation they want so badly. I have to remember this when I’m resisting and holding back.

To Be BIGGER … In Front Of More People! Full Exposure!

Although I love the intimacy and power of one to one coaching, after 6 months exposing my inner-most challenges, experience and stories in front of my coaching people – I remembered how incredible it feels to connect with a bigger audience. Back in high school, I gave up on my dream to be on stage and perform. What’s different now is that it’s less about ‘look at me’ and more about sharing information and making that connection about something bigger and more meaningful. And as NERVE-WRACKING as it is for me to do this, whenever I do it, I feel something rise up in me that is too cool to ignore. It’s like I am firing on all cylinders and can feel my full power. I just pray that the ridonkulous knee-knocking nerves I recently experienced (see below video of me sharing my E.A.T experience) will dissipate with practice and exposure. Uggh.

So get this, a few months ago, my super-successful, professional speaker / communications powerhouse of a cousin, Maureen “Mo” Douglas, called me after I posted one of my more vulnerable blog entries and asked if I considered sharing my stories to a bigger crowd. All of the sudden, I saw the possibilities and got the FEELING of that dream I’d given up on so long ago, so I said “No… but I’m listening.”

Thank you, Universe.

Yesterday, I received my confirmation to attend a two day workshop (with Mo) at the end of February to train with a celebrated Keynote Speaker, Hugh Culver on how to better connect with an audience and be the most impactful speaker possible. Exciting!!! But shit scared!!!

Don’t think my troll isn’t rearing up his head yelling “You are IN over your head woman! You have ZERO experience! You are LITERALLY going to make a HUGE ass out of yourself! Seriously – no joke!”

The funny part is, and it’s not like I am trying to will it, but in this perspective, I really have nothing to lose. As much as I don’t want to embarrass myself, I want to throw myself in the deep end a little. Why not? Just think of the learning (a.k.a potentially hilarious blog post)!

To Head Into the Physical Unknown

It’s been two months since I finished the E.A.T Nutrition Program and I’m happy to report that I have maintained my weight and inches lost. I have so far, mastered the art of maintaining. Yay! That being said, I have enjoyed hovering here and exploring what I can and can’t do. This is also a place in the past where I would have settled and not pushed any further… and then gained it all back.

Here is a look at what I accomplished from September to November in 2012:

August 2012

FAT COAT be gone! December 2012

I’m see this as a dive and leveling process. When I began this journey, I dove and committed to the first batch of weight loss, learned and practiced new habits. But then, there felt like the need to relax, loosen the straps, celebrate results and catch my breath. I’ve looked around and am now gathering the strength to dive again and recommit to losing roughly 20 more pounds, fitting into my size 10 clothes by the summer and being able to complete a workout session where I don’t burst into tears when I hit a wall I call “I can’t, I’m weak, I’m going to hurt myself”. I wish this were a joke, but it’s not. Definitely another blog post. As requested by my beloved and patient fitness coach, Lisa, I am posting a picture of my goal outfit to motivate me. It will hang in my closet where I can see it every day and look forward to wearing it again (taken the day after our wedding).

In addition to this, I also registered to run the World Music Half Marathon (Relay) in September where me and my coach-bestie-in-crime, Michaella will each run 13K through the streets of White Rock while rocking out to international tunes. I love the relay part and have never even entered in or run in an actual race.  Holy crap, what have I gotten myself into! Woo Hoo!

PS. Decided to go to the pool tonight and wear my honeymoon bikini (!!), almost a tester to put it (me) all out there, literally… stretch marks, deflated baby-gut was hangin’ out for all to see. I did it and you know what? There was almost LIBERATING about it. My first success in daring to suck and it NOT sucking! CHECK!

I would LOVE to hear your theme for the year so please share. And watch this space, I will be reporting back as I continue on these items and any other gems I need to express to keep myself motivated and moving forward.

With love and gratitude out the ying-yang,

Let’s Do This 2013!

E.A.T Finale: When we know better, we do better!

The first step I took to grabbing the reins of my life was to take responsibility for my body and how I care for it. In the beginning of September I met with Lisa Carpenter, founder of the 10 week E.A.T. Program, which I wrote about in one of my first blog posts “My Starting Point”.

Ten sessions have since passed and last night was the big reveal and  I was blown away, not just by me losing 27 lbs, 23 inches and over 7% in body fat – but the PICTURES!! I am not ready to show you all of them because honestly, they are “too raw” if that makes sense. It feels like yesterday I was there – in a year I might but not tonight. The best I will do is give you the back fat shot – dramatic to say the least. You can only imagine (if you really want to..) what the front looked like..haha. Enjoy…. uuggh.

I did this by following the structure that Lisa puts forth – eating 5 meals EVERY day that were rich in lean protein, smart carbohydrates (including bread AND potatoes!), lots of leafy greens, healthy fats (Omega 3, 6 & 9s) and mountains of fresh vegetables and fruit. In comparison to previous attempts, it was refreshing to see no quick fixes, no magic powders or shakes to drink, shots or blood work to take and NO deprivation. I honestly didn’t expect it to work! LOL!

And get this, I even did this with a few nights of wine and junky food – difference was I enjoyed the hell out of it and just picked up where I left off the next day. No more sabotage. Eureka!

When people ask me what I’m doing to lose the weight and I tell them about the course, I sometimes get resistance with only answering the question by saying “I took a course on eating for weight loss and optimal health”. Like today, when a woman (I don’t know) asked me, she immediately said “Sounds like hard work.. (grimace face)” and then she asked me to tell her more so I did but she quickly cut me off saying “Oh I do all that already” and “I eat healthy but it doesn’t work” And although I REALLY wanted to engage because I’m super passionate about what I learned and love how it’s going to serve me for the rest of my life!!!…. I stop myself because I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. I’m just glad I found my way to it and also remember being in the same place. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it either..haha.

The difference for me this time is that I was ready to admit whatever I was doing wasn’t working and think a lot of the success that happens in this course is when people show up, do the hard work and open themselves up to shifting their position or attitude – whatever it is. This is hard to do if you are hell-bent on believing you NEED cheese to live (believe me, I tried!!).

I surrendered and let go of what I thought I knew. This was the hardest part of the course for me and if you are ready to do this and want the change bad enough –you can make BIG changes and it is WAY EASIER than you think. There was never a time where I wanted to quit but I was annoyed and irritated with food logging and having to shift my thinking and behaviors. Most of the time this was just old patterns and my troll trying to sabotage my progress (note still working on this even though they are getting further and further away).

 How am I different now?

• I don’t eat cheese at every meal … or at all for that matter (I just heard a collective GASP from my friends & family).
• I’m less about a destination and see this as a daily, meal by meal way of living. In time, my body will catch up and be its optimal size.
• I found myself RUNNING up the stairs carrying six bags of groceries yesterday. No calling Scott from the car to come help. Laughed when I noticed this.
• I play with my boys differently – lifting the big one up more, rough housing, running, chasing and climbing at the park. We have more fun together.
• I gorged myself on 3 CUPS of BRUSSEL SPROUTS tonight dressed in pureed avocado, horseradish and red chilli sauce, salt & pepper…. and LOVED IT! I made the bowl for the family and ended up eating the entire thing myself! What the…??!!!!
• My 3 year old doesn’t beg for juice anymore. BIG WIN! He yells for water and it’s music to my ears!
• I have now begun incorporating my new knowledge into my family’s meals with success.
• Even though I still loath food logging, I see the value in it and will go back when I feel myself slipping. It’s a good way to keep mindful about the food I’m eating and why.
• I’m armed with tools to get me though eating out, Christmas parties and my own self-sabotage.
• I feel a sense of calm in the journey now – less roller coaster and ‘good’ ‘bad’ mentality. I’m human and will make less than stellar choices but will move forward the next day instead of derailing the process.
• I read food labels and understand them on a whole new level.
• I feel SO much more confident in my own skin and love that my wardrobe doubled now that I can fit into my thinner clothes.
• My husband is reaping the rewards of a happier, healthier, ‘rock star’ feeling wife 😉

That being said, now that the classes are over, I need to keep my “I got this” mentality in check because it’s only been 10 classes and this is something I want for the rest of my life. Definitely something I will need to check in on every now and then at the Alumni events which I’m looking forward to. Once you become a member of the E.A.T crew, you are welcomed into a family of other women on the same path with support, recipes and stories to share about how to ‘keep going’. Love it and can’t wait.

Thank you Lisa and the amazing women I shared this journey with over the past two months. I look forward to connecting again and seeing what else we are capable of!

Although I am forever changed and happy the majority of the weight I wanted to lose is gone, this was the beginning piece of a much bigger puzzle for me to live life with more purpose. Today, I reached week  8 in my 5K running program and ran 28 minutes in a row without stopping 🙂 This weekend I head into the second to last course of coach training-action and continue to explore this possible career change. I also started a fun grassroots “movement” with a handful of fellow community-lovers to inspire, educate and convert locals in Steveston to connect our community even more using the power of social media. We created a bulletin board on Facebook called  #SocialSteveston: Our Community and launched the #SocialSteveston web page where events and resources will be posted on how to get involved. We are planning a larger kick-off meeting with local businesses and community leaders in the coming weeks to see where this will go.

Before I sign off, it has to be said that although I am glad to be out of “the well” and feeling more alive and engaged with the world than ever before, I am officially in uncharted territory now. I’ve been in ‘action-mode’ for almost three months now and I’m starting to feel the effects of the shifts happening. The original ‘kick-ass and take names’ part of me is now feeling more like ‘where the hell am I and what’s next’… which feels a LOT scarier and uncertain. Enter the whispers of my troll.

Thank God Peter and I are reuniting this weekend after months apart so I’m hoping to get some much needed ‘catch-up’ coaching to see what shakes out. I’ll be sure to report back.

Thank you all for following along with comments, emails and updates from fellow 5 and 10K runners around the world who inspire me to keep going.

Until next time, with much love and gratitude, Ker

I’m ready to E.A.T!

After my last post, I have to say WOW! That was hard. But I didn’t expect so many comments, emails, phone calls, texts from friends reaching out to say they felt the same way and were not only behind me 100% but some are even joining me in the challenge to create more meaning and purpose in their lives. Double WOW! I had no idea that hearing from you would feel so good and ignite me that much more, so please don’t stop. If you have something to share – ANYTHING, please do. I want to hear your experiences, perspective and thoughts too 🙂

And get this… I’ve got people asking to run with me! Wha? Me????!!! I feel like Forest Gump for God’s sake! Haha! And just so you know, I am on a mission to find a t-shirt (or make one if I have to) that says “SAY HELLO” or better yet “TELL ME TO KEEP GOING”. Stay tuned on that one.

So here’s the deal. It’s not my first time to this rodeo. I’ve eaten healthy, worked out (a little) and lost 30 lbs… THREE times in the last 15 years. I started with the Carbohydrate Addicts diet, then Sure-Slim (twice) but used them in almost a band-aid approach. I just did what they told me to do and it worked. There was no information behind it and I didn’t care. I just wanted to lose the weight so I could move on. And by moving on, this meant going off the diet and eventually gaining the weight back (and then some). I’m good at the quick fix but not the long term.

I’m no longer interested in a formula to follow to ‘get it right’ and then be held hostage by it. I want to be informed about food. I want to know how it’s supposed to work in my body and what I need to fuel this fine piece of machinery! I want knowledge that will serve me (and my family) forever to make informed choices about the food I eat and prepare for my family. So I move forward knowingly the pros and cons because then, it won’t be a diet – it will be just how I eat. When I know more, I will hopefully do different.

And this is what the E.A.T! Program is all about – information, tools and the foundations of how to best eat for optimal health. The food part to me is fairly straight forward and more doable than the hard part of breaking old ways of thinking and behaving around food.

My big take-aways from class#1:

• I own this experience – nobody else. I will get out of it what I put in.
• Clean out my kitchen of crap that doesn’t support my goals (trigger foods)
• To stock my kitchen with a wide variety of fruits, veggies, protein and healthy carbs
• To be aware of the feelings behind when and why I eat (H.A.L.T – Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)

And so last week I began eating cleaner and it’s been fine. I’ve been more organized and even put meals together the night before for my coach training this past weekend. This may sound like more work, but it wasn’t. It was a lot easier than going in circles in my head wondering what I was going to eat in the moment (when I was hungry) and then just grab whatever was available knowing that it was probably not that great for me. There was no thought behind it … and don’t forget the eating scraps off my kid’s plate. Classy times.

Fast forward to yesterday when we all headed cross border to run some errands. Just the simple act of driving down the I-5 had me craving junk suddenly! But it makes sense, because whenever we go down to shop we almost always get cookies at Trader Joes or pizza at Costco or burritos at Chipotle the size of my head and this beast in me was waiting to be fed! But I didn’t budge. I was tempted for the first time but held firm. And I’m not into TOTAL depravity so I did order my first non-fat, decaf mocha… without whipped cream (if you can imagine!!) which I NEVER would have seen happening in my life before this whole shift. And to my surprise it didn’t taste like watered down MOCKOLATE!

Bottom line is, 90% of the time, I want to feed my body in a healthy, sustainable way where the food does me good not harm… and then indulge a bit on weekends/holidays with friends and wine! To me that is achievable and something I want to do for the rest of my life, especially if I am the one designing it. I’m hoping to achieve this from taking the E.A.T! course and will keep you posted with how it goes!

As for squeezing info in here about how my first set of coaching workshops went this weekend – I am still processing, but can tell you it was a complete life-changing experience. I began learning to listen on a totally new level and truly be present and connect with another person like I’ve never done before. It was EPIC to say the least. I will do my best to put words to it in my next post.

Until then, much love and thank you for all the amazing vibes… second E.A.T! Class tonight!!

My Starting Point.

A few weeks ago I took my first step of action for my ‘health plan’ by meeting with Lisa Carpenter, our local fitness and nutrition coach about her upcoming E.A.T! Program. I was pretty anxious to chat with her because I knew I was going to get a very sobering reality check on where I was at physically. I was going to get numbers on HOW BAD I’d let things get. Ugggh.

As soon as I sat down – tears. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, angry, frustrated and a bit lost as to HOW I was going to get back to a place where I could move without pain or difficulty and shed this fat-coat I’d built up over the last five years. More importantly I wanted to feel better about myself. I was stuck and didn’t realize that I was so down on myself. Although addressing all this was hard, I knew deep down it was necessary. Thank god Lisa was a very safe place to land as she knew and articulated EXACTLY what I was thinking and feeling when I couldn’t bare to say the words myself. She was extremely supportive through this and I felt it.

As we talked, the tears passed and together, we discover places in my life where I could make this mission of mine happen. Even if it was 30 minutes here or one set of exercises there. When I was really honest and looked at my days, I could find time EVERY day even if it meant run/walking at 8:30 at night after the kids were all settled. Then something changed in me. I began to feel the spark of possibility and heard myself think, I can do this.

What I loved about the process was that Lisa made it clear that she played a facilitator in this journey – giving me information and tools to make the decisions that support MY goal, not hers. I was choosing and doing. She wasn’t going to lose sleep if I didn’t do any of it. What? You mean you aren’t here to save me ? Or tell me what to do and then humiliate me when I’m bad? Oh, I would just have to report back to me, right. Well, that’s a revolutionary thought!

And with that realization, something clicked. For the first time I felt like I owned all of this and that made it easier somehow. We then measured, took photos – which of course I have not seen and may look at later (and possibly share) depending on how awesome I look in the now. But then she brought out the scale.

I was 200 lbs…. even.

Now, this was a shock because I learned I’d actually gained weight since after having Beau four months ago. But… it was my starting point and I owned that too. I left there feeling very in tune with where I was and where I was headed. I found a peace in knowing I had taken the first course of action to move me forward and that felt very grounding. Good to the point where I wanted more action so I could feel even better. I WAS going to do this.

So what does it look like? Well, it means every night Scott and I carve out a time for the next day where we can each get time for ourselves, whether it’s for exercise or not. And so far, it’s worked. I am doing the Couch to 5K Program on my iPhone three times a week and fitting in some moderate exercises Lisa gave me wherever I can to get some semblance of core strength back as it is completely shot to shit.

And just so you know, it’s not as easy as it sounds. One day we all went out for a walk and our 3 year old, Denny, lost his ever-loving-mind when I tried to break off for one of my first run/walks. As he cranked it up several notches on the side of the road, I debated what my options were – to walk a slower pace with all of them and still say I got out? Or do what I did, which was grab his snotty, tear soaked hand and say “OK. LET’S DO THIS!” and started running anyway! I tried along the run to get him to ride in the stroller along side with Scott pushing but NO, he was just as determined as I was to get it done. LOL! And the ‘old’ me might have even gone to a shitty place thinking ‘Uggh this is NOT what I signed up for, dragging a toddler around with me’, but I was actually happy that I didn’t let it stop me. I was fighting for it every step of the way and even found a great headspace to do it. Because, how cool was it to be running with my D-Man?!! It was awesome and pretty funny at the same time. You should have heard him panting away saying “We ..almost.. there.. Mom?” haha. . And it was a double WIN because the little man slept like a champ when we got home too!

Denny running with me last week at Garry Point Park, Steveston, BC

So, do I have a goal? Yes… not to have freaking back cleavage. That, and if I were to settle on a number, I was 155 lbs when we got married (see ‘rockstar’ pic), so that’s roughly my first BIG goal… and not to sweat on relatively cool days. Running 5K consistently wouldn’t be bad either.

The best part so far is that even though I run like a turtle, I’m doing something and that negative self-talk? Gone. Because action has shut the little bugger up… for now.

Stay tuned for my next post on the first week of E.A.T! and the launch of my coaching career!

Here we go…

Yes, I am blogging. Why?

I am about to make some big changes in my life and the process of writing helps keep me on track and gives me perspective as I work through issues (and I know there are going to be many) by getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper, even if virtual. When I do this, I always end up discovering something more than if I had just milled it around in my head. Writing also dumps the more unproductive thoughts out of my head so I can get some peace and move on.

Do I care if anyone reads this? Yes and no. Part of me really just wants to be able to look back and see progress. Progress will be my ultimate motivator in making these changes and this is a good method for me to monitor it and celebrate milestones along the way. It is also kind of cathartic to lay it all out there (within reason of course) and say, this is me – right now and in progress.

I’m going to share my honest thoughts and perspective which aren’t always going to look pretty and may surprise those of you who know me and think I have my shit together. By the way, I don’t… and don’t really think any of us do. Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t going to be a self-deprecating, “relate to me because I’ve had hard times too” sort of place. I have a ton of gratitude and appreciate all I have but what I’ve recently been willing to admit is that I hold myself back from having a fuller life. A fuller life for ME – not my kids and not my husband. They have their big places in  my life but know that we (women) are more likely to care about other peoples needs first and make excuses why we don’t need to be at the top of the list. It just doesn’t feel right to a lot of us. I want to change this. Not because I am a narcissistic person, I simply want to include myself in the top two or three so I can have something for me at the end of the day and to have more to give and share with the others in my list. Hence my need to write it down and exorcise some of the crap I think that keeps me stuck in a place I don’t want to be. This is my starting point. The good, bad and fugly.

So what’s ahead? Lots.

This week I embark on two major steps forward in my effort to grab the reigns of my life and ‘live the hell out of it’, or in other words, to consciously participate in my life by not sitting back and letting my life live me – if that makes sense.

Step 1. Pursue a healthier, LESS FAT body so that I first and foremost feel like a rock star and secondly I can keep up with the three energetic men in my life and even kick their butts if the situation arises … and look good doing it.

Step 2. Begin my journey to become a certified life and business coach.

It all begins for me this Wednesday when I begin E.A.T!, a 10 week nutrition course that intends to teach me how to eat for weight loss and optimal health. Did I mention that in the first class we bare-all… that means measurements, weigh-ins and BEFORE photos…. insert a big loud “Faaaaaaaack!” here. Wednesday should make for a sobering post.

The less humiliating and more exciting of the two steps is happening on Friday when I begin coach training with CTI in Vancouver. I have no idea what to expect and will explain how I got to this decision in later posts. But from what I’ve been told by friends and coaches I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and learning from – – I am headed for an incredible ride and that I was meant to do this.

And yes, I am going to do this while caring for a teething 4 month old and tantrum-perfecting 3 year old. Why not wait until things calm down? Because they won’t. Ever. And I am learning that I talk myself out of things too many times and end up doing nothing. No more excuses.

Luckily, I am also blessed with a husband that has a flexible work schedule as he builds a thriving acupuncture clinic and have the support of family and friends who offered to swoop in and help me get this done. (THANK YOU!!!) The main reason this is happening is because I asked for help and got it. Who knew that worked?!! This is something I’m learning I need to do more.

Until my next post later this week, I will do my best not to eat and drink as if each meal were my last. Kinda like CRAMMING before a test, only with food.

And just so you know – while writing this, my three year old was babysat by Spiderman and his Amazing Friends (thank you Netflix) and my 4 month old literally had poop coming out of every neck, arm and leg hole of his onesie with him and I both needing a Silkwood shower to recover. Here’s hoping I can do this and not completely neglect my kids in the process.

Wish me luck.