E.A.T Finale: When we know better, we do better!

The first step I took to grabbing the reins of my life was to take responsibility for my body and how I care for it. In the beginning of September I met with Lisa Carpenter, founder of the 10 week E.A.T. Program, which I wrote about in one of my first blog posts “My Starting Point”.

Ten sessions have since passed and last night was the big reveal and  I was blown away, not just by me losing 27 lbs, 23 inches and over 7% in body fat – but the PICTURES!! I am not ready to show you all of them because honestly, they are “too raw” if that makes sense. It feels like yesterday I was there – in a year I might but not tonight. The best I will do is give you the back fat shot – dramatic to say the least. You can only imagine (if you really want to..) what the front looked like..haha. Enjoy…. uuggh.

I did this by following the structure that Lisa puts forth – eating 5 meals EVERY day that were rich in lean protein, smart carbohydrates (including bread AND potatoes!), lots of leafy greens, healthy fats (Omega 3, 6 & 9s) and mountains of fresh vegetables and fruit. In comparison to previous attempts, it was refreshing to see no quick fixes, no magic powders or shakes to drink, shots or blood work to take and NO deprivation. I honestly didn’t expect it to work! LOL!

And get this, I even did this with a few nights of wine and junky food – difference was I enjoyed the hell out of it and just picked up where I left off the next day. No more sabotage. Eureka!

When people ask me what I’m doing to lose the weight and I tell them about the course, I sometimes get resistance with only answering the question by saying “I took a course on eating for weight loss and optimal health”. Like today, when a woman (I don’t know) asked me, she immediately said “Sounds like hard work.. (grimace face)” and then she asked me to tell her more so I did but she quickly cut me off saying “Oh I do all that already” and “I eat healthy but it doesn’t work” And although I REALLY wanted to engage because I’m super passionate about what I learned and love how it’s going to serve me for the rest of my life!!!…. I stop myself because I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. I’m just glad I found my way to it and also remember being in the same place. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it either..haha.

The difference for me this time is that I was ready to admit whatever I was doing wasn’t working and think a lot of the success that happens in this course is when people show up, do the hard work and open themselves up to shifting their position or attitude – whatever it is. This is hard to do if you are hell-bent on believing you NEED cheese to live (believe me, I tried!!).

I surrendered and let go of what I thought I knew. This was the hardest part of the course for me and if you are ready to do this and want the change bad enough –you can make BIG changes and it is WAY EASIER than you think. There was never a time where I wanted to quit but I was annoyed and irritated with food logging and having to shift my thinking and behaviors. Most of the time this was just old patterns and my troll trying to sabotage my progress (note still working on this even though they are getting further and further away).

 How am I different now?

• I don’t eat cheese at every meal … or at all for that matter (I just heard a collective GASP from my friends & family).
• I’m less about a destination and see this as a daily, meal by meal way of living. In time, my body will catch up and be its optimal size.
• I found myself RUNNING up the stairs carrying six bags of groceries yesterday. No calling Scott from the car to come help. Laughed when I noticed this.
• I play with my boys differently – lifting the big one up more, rough housing, running, chasing and climbing at the park. We have more fun together.
• I gorged myself on 3 CUPS of BRUSSEL SPROUTS tonight dressed in pureed avocado, horseradish and red chilli sauce, salt & pepper…. and LOVED IT! I made the bowl for the family and ended up eating the entire thing myself! What the…??!!!!
• My 3 year old doesn’t beg for juice anymore. BIG WIN! He yells for water and it’s music to my ears!
• I have now begun incorporating my new knowledge into my family’s meals with success.
• Even though I still loath food logging, I see the value in it and will go back when I feel myself slipping. It’s a good way to keep mindful about the food I’m eating and why.
• I’m armed with tools to get me though eating out, Christmas parties and my own self-sabotage.
• I feel a sense of calm in the journey now – less roller coaster and ‘good’ ‘bad’ mentality. I’m human and will make less than stellar choices but will move forward the next day instead of derailing the process.
• I read food labels and understand them on a whole new level.
• I feel SO much more confident in my own skin and love that my wardrobe doubled now that I can fit into my thinner clothes.
• My husband is reaping the rewards of a happier, healthier, ‘rock star’ feeling wife 😉

That being said, now that the classes are over, I need to keep my “I got this” mentality in check because it’s only been 10 classes and this is something I want for the rest of my life. Definitely something I will need to check in on every now and then at the Alumni events which I’m looking forward to. Once you become a member of the E.A.T crew, you are welcomed into a family of other women on the same path with support, recipes and stories to share about how to ‘keep going’. Love it and can’t wait.

Thank you Lisa and the amazing women I shared this journey with over the past two months. I look forward to connecting again and seeing what else we are capable of!

Although I am forever changed and happy the majority of the weight I wanted to lose is gone, this was the beginning piece of a much bigger puzzle for me to live life with more purpose. Today, I reached week  8 in my 5K running program and ran 28 minutes in a row without stopping 🙂 This weekend I head into the second to last course of coach training-action and continue to explore this possible career change. I also started a fun grassroots “movement” with a handful of fellow community-lovers to inspire, educate and convert locals in Steveston to connect our community even more using the power of social media. We created a bulletin board on Facebook called  #SocialSteveston: Our Community and launched the #SocialSteveston web page where events and resources will be posted on how to get involved. We are planning a larger kick-off meeting with local businesses and community leaders in the coming weeks to see where this will go.

Before I sign off, it has to be said that although I am glad to be out of “the well” and feeling more alive and engaged with the world than ever before, I am officially in uncharted territory now. I’ve been in ‘action-mode’ for almost three months now and I’m starting to feel the effects of the shifts happening. The original ‘kick-ass and take names’ part of me is now feeling more like ‘where the hell am I and what’s next’… which feels a LOT scarier and uncertain. Enter the whispers of my troll.

Thank God Peter and I are reuniting this weekend after months apart so I’m hoping to get some much needed ‘catch-up’ coaching to see what shakes out. I’ll be sure to report back.

Thank you all for following along with comments, emails and updates from fellow 5 and 10K runners around the world who inspire me to keep going.

Until next time, with much love and gratitude, Ker

Lessons from a Grumpy Old Man.

So the week after I lost my grip at the number on the scale, I am happy to report I was able to go back and get on the ‘horse’ with a different, more supportive, mindset – with the big picture in mind. To do this, I consciously centred myself to support ME no matter what the number said and to ward off any possible troll ‘attacks’. To my shock and awe, I dropped a staggering SEVEN pounds in a week which on one hand was freaking fantastic to see, but then it really hit me that Lisa was right when she begs for us to stop putting so much power in the number because it’s a fickle biotch. But then I thought… “Fickle in my favour!! Holla!”

But seriously, it was a great lesson for me to seek any validation I need from inside myself and not outside of that space, whether it is a number on a scale, measuring tape, or comments from others about how I’m doing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m celebrating the progress for sure but I’m very aware not to get too caught up in the ‘hype’ and, like Dory from Finding Nemo, sing “just keep going… just keep going”. And seeing the bigger picture means me having a more meaningful life  – not to simply fit into a new dress or pre-prego jeans. This is for life baby.

Which leads me to share a funny story that happened last week while I was out running. I’m in the middle of the ‘Couch to 5K’ run/walking program and for this to happen I sometimes drop Denny off at preschool and take baby Beau out for a spin in the stroller before I have to head back for pick-up. On this particular day I was feeling really energetic and filled with community connection vibes greeting everyone I ran past with a chipper “Hello!” “Good Morning!” and LOVE it when I get it back. It’s like a game for me now to see if I can get eye contact, a smile, nod, cheerful hello back or better yet, all of the above!

So as I was winding down the last 5 minutes of running and I came upon a serious looking older man, dressed in black from head to toe who was looking ominously out at the water at Garry Point Park and gave him a solid “Morning!” as I approached. He looked uplifted for a moment, and gave me a half-smile nod which had me thinking “Nice” …  but then the expression and body language changed completely and next thing I know he snarled at me saying “Better not let my chiropractor catch you doing that! …It’s really bad for you!”

(I feel like I just heard a collective “Faaack Yoouuuuu Old Man!” from you all in cyber land, haha. And believe me, I’m with you, but hang on…)

Having been to stroller fitness classes, I assumed he meant running with the stroller. And, because I had only seconds to respond (… or not) I heard myself actually respond with a genuinely sincere and grateful “Thanks! I WON’T!” followed by a huge smile.

The funny part was that I said it as if I took him literally, like I was going to keep a lookout for this horrible naysayer bone-doctor he warned me of, lurking around the next corner! I have no idea why I responded this way but am so glad I did. Because you should have seen the look of total CONFUSION on this guys face, thinking “Wha? Hey, no! I was being an asshole lady! Don’t you get it?!” (It still makes me laugh out loud …) He seemed almost disappointed that I didn’t stick around to engage him. And as I ran on, so many thoughts poured into my head about what I could have said. Then I actually felt a bit sad for him that his outlook was so shitty, he just felt the need to share it with me. I’ll tell you something – if he’d got me a few weeks ago he might have had a desperate crazy woman with her hand around his throat screaming “REALLY?! REALLY?! Would you rather I go back to sitting on my ass and wasting my life? HUH?!! Do you?!!” and then this thought made me laugh even harder as I kept running.

So thank you, you crabby bastard. I’m sorry someone crapped in your cornflakes, but you made my day. I saw progress outside of a measuring stick and it felt great. Best. Gift. Ever.

Protein, Fats and Food Logs… OH MY!

So last week was a BIG milestone for me in this whole ‘clean eating’ gig. I dropped my first TEN POUNDS! WOO HOO! And I honestly have to say it has been WAY easier than I thought.

Since I began the attending Lisa Carpenter’s E.A.T! Class, a local nutrition program geared toward women who want to lose weight and eat for optimal health, I look at food completely different. I am gaining a greater knowledge and respect for what I should put into my body and how it works to keep me fueled. When I think back to how I used to eat, I had taken my hands off the wheel completely. And I wasn’t binge eating or anything drastic. But really, I was simply NOT in control and here is the simplest reason – there was no thought behind what I ate and whether it was a good choice for me or not. I just flew by the seat of my pants and tried to make the decision as I opened the kitchen cupboards, the fridge door or was out with the kids I would think ‘What do I FEEL like eating?..”

Now I think, what does FEELING have to do what I eat??! But it was ingrained in me as a subconscious pattern. Now it seems crazy to even ask the question. I was indulging myself in a useless conversation knowing full well that I had a fairly limited wheel house of options I would go for – bread, cheese, pasta, with some veggies and fruit. I hated thinking about eating because I hated having to decide and argue with myself, knowing I had NO connection to whether the food I was choosing was a good for me or not. If it wasn’t good for me, I’d easily pass it off as ‘just one meal’ what’s the big deal. But those add up. Bottom line – I was not eating responsibly.

I didn’t eat a lot of food or have junk in my house but on those rare occasions when we did, as soon as my taste buds got wind, it didn’t last for long. I was out of balance and I knew it but didn’t know how to stop it. The thought of going on another round of the SureSlim plan to quickly lose the weight (as it was my go-to solution) annoyed me as I was sick of just doing these things knowing I’d inevitably hit the ‘get cocky’ phase and throw the good eating out the window. I just want to know what I’m doing…

What I love about the E.A.T! is that each week we learn ONE topic related to food and how it functions in our body and why effects body composition. Hmmm… eating with knowledge. Novel concept.

Week 1: We measured, weighed and assessed where we all were, discussed expectations and learned how to food log and pay attention to the food we are eating. We also prepared our kitchens for cleaner eating. Done.

Week 2: Protein! Biggest take away was that it is thermogenic, meaning it requires more energy for your body to break it down = more calories burned. Who knew? But being a fair weather vegetarian (that occasionally orders a veggie sandwich… with bacon) I decided to bring back some animal protein knowing this would help me drop the weight quicker. My previous diet, I learned, was so high in sodium (beans, cheese and of course the bacon) that this was going to impede any progress. So off I went to buy salmon, red snapper, chicken thighs, chicken breast and my new best friend, Non Fat Greek Yogurt. Done.

Our homework was to incorporate FIVE portions of protein into our day with at least two cups of green leafy veggies. This was challenging (not the eating part, the organization and new behaviour) but I did it. And don’t’ think that was ALL I was eating – we could have bread, fruit or a whole pizza for all Lisa cared at this point. She just wanted us to learn the protein part as the foundation. One week at a time.

Week 3: FATS – I began this class by getting on the scale and seeing that I was 11.5 lbs lighter and 8 inches smaller from that first meeting with Lisa. To have the first 10 drop so fast was just a sign that my body was sooo ready for a shift. This is the progress I needed to keep me motivated.

This week’s class was all about the good, bad and ugly about FATS and to stop cooking with oil! More importantly, I took away the emotional and physical benefits on incorporating healthy fats Fish oil, flax, olive oil, peanut butter, avocado into my day because they will keep me balanced and feeling more full. So I’m adding healthy fats to the last two meals of my day to keep me going through the night.

Tonight is CARBS and I say… ba-ring it!!

As much as I don’t want to make it about the weight, I look forward to each class to see if the weight and inches are still coming off – even if only a little. There is a part of me that is waiting for the week when there has been no shift so I can turn to Lisa and say “AH HA! I told you this crap doesn’t work!” LOL!

So far she doesn’t seem too worried about this happening…

Also, the food I’m eating tastes good (not as good as a donut) but there is something about knowing the food I’m are eating is fueling weight loss and making my body more efficient that has me missing the junk less and less. My taste buds are shifting to appreciate how whole food tastes – no additives, no preservatives. I’m eating things I never thought I would – egg whites for one. Not as horrible as I thought! And I’ve had one or two junky meals along the way of pizza and cupcakes. The headache that followed them was yet, another sign I am on the right track.

I have to say that I’m enjoying my days more because although I’m working harder to measure food and plan more it is absolute BLISS saying goodbye to the mental wrestling that went along with trying to figure out what I would eat. There is a sense of freedom I’m getting that I love. I appreciated knowing more, the structure, being in control and with no feelings attached. No more stress about the WHAT to eat. Just follow the guidelines and enjoy the ride. I’m making it a part of my life – one week at a time.

It’s also nice to know I’m not in this alone. Have other people to share my challenges with and hear theirs is really helpful and the women in the class do this for one another. There is a lot to be said for peer support and encouragement.

So for those of you who are curious, here is an example of some of the meals I might eat in a day right now (Note – I have MUCH more to learn – only 3 weeks in):

Meal 1:                 Non-fat Greek Yogurt, Greens First Powder (BEST tasting Greens product I’ve ever tried!), Quick Oats

Meal 2:                 Shrimp, natural yogurt, dill weed, dill pickle diced on whole grain bread

Meal 3:                 Chicken breast, 2 cups of chopped veggies (carrots, peppers, spinach, celery), brown rice, chick broth, apple

Meal 4:                 Shrimp, Mixed Greens, Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Green onions, Mixed Greens (olive oil, balsamic vinegar, dill weed, dill pickle diced, salt & pepper)

Meal 5:                 NF Greek Yogurt, Frozen Mango, Barlean’s Omega 3 oil (Pina colada) – THIS TASTES AMAZING!!

And here are some pics of my meals too (I do this to remember for my food log at the end of the day too):

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Did I just do that?

So one of the things I’m practicing in my journey to a bigger life is telling that shitty voice in my head who lists all the reasons why I shouldn’t or couldn’t do something … to shut the hell up. So, after my original post talking about getting back into fighting shape, a friend on Facebook suggested I join her for the 6:15 class at the new spinning gym, Spinergy Fitness in Steveston Village on Wednesday.

“Haha..(said the voice in my head), You? Spin? Nope, that’s for the fit mom’s with high ponytails and tight butts. Not you. You’ll hurt yourself for sure.”

So, to spite the little bugger, I quickly wrote her back “Count me in!”

The more I thought about it, the more I truly worried that I might actually hurt myself – and this wasn’t anyone’s voice but my own talking now. People… I am REALLY out of shape. And I’m not a person with low self-esteem. I like myself… aloh! So much that I really didn’t want to hurt my awesome self. I am a realist. Last time I even semi-regularly worked out was  five years ago and even then it was a burst of 6 months and then I was done with it.And FYI, during one of those boot camp-type sessions I put my back out so bad that I was laid up for a week!

Then I said to myself “Just shut up and let’s do this.” (hence the title on this blog – I say this a lot now)

I called up Spinergy and spoke with one of their people who assured me I would NOT hurt myself. That I was in control of how hard I pushed myself and the tension on the bike. They were very understanding of my newbie concerns and encouraged me to give it a try. OK. Due diligence complete.

To make this happen I had to wake up at 5AM to pump so hubby could feed Beau, our four month old, if he woke up before I got back. Once I was up and moving it really wasn’t that bad. Next thing I know I was ready and heading out the door. When I arrived, said friend pulled right up after and I was officially doing this.

After signing the standard ‘Please don’t sue us if you die whilst spinning’  forms, I met one of the owners and primary instructor, Shannon Marshall and her trusty sidekick, Matt, who was working the computer behind the sign in desk – both VERY nice and super welcoming. I began to feel at ease.

How do I explain what happened over the following 50 mins? Well first, it’s true that the seats hurt your butt and although at times mine was screaming for mercy, there were good chunks of time where I was so focused on what I was being asked to do by Shannon  (over some of the most motivating ass-kicking tracks, ever) that the discomfort faded away and wasn’t an issue – I was actually doing it. I was spinning for crack’s sake! And although I was somewhat distracted by the excess bits of my body giggling and shaking with every pedal, instead of feeling defeated at this shitty reminder of how big my body has become or self-conscious, I heard myself shouting at it from a very powerful place, saying “Get. The. Feck. OFF! Get off! Get off!!!”

This made me laugh thinking about it after. What a refreshing perspective. I liked it.

What was the best and most surprising part? Early into the ride when we were just warming up she told us to close our eyes, get into the music and find our zone and just give it whatever we had. Next thing I knew, the gym disappeared and I was transformed to the road with the wind blowing in my face (strategic fans) and it all became a bit more do-able. I found whenever I opened my eyes, I was distracted and less motivated. There was something very zen-like in the way Shannon guided the group with her voice over the music – not a Drill Sargent (which is what I expected) but assertive, supportive, inspiring and also seemed to say all the things I needed to hear as I puffed and panted my way along. It reminded me at times of yoga with a very internal focus, listening to my body and overcoming that internal mental struggle to push myself up the hill much like trying to hold a difficult yoga move. And then we’d get permission to release the tension and the sweet relief of gliding down a steep hill with the wind in my face was intoxicating. I got it. People love this workout because its incredibly efficient and that’s just what I need. Show up, sweat your face off and get out. I’d like to add it to my cardio efforts at least once a week in combination to the Couch to 5K running program. Gotta love a plan.

To walk into my house after a really great sweat and see my husband feeding our baby and 3 year old, Denny happily playing and greeting me with a huge hug – I couldn’t help feel a huge sense of accomplishment. I did it and I CAN do this. Awesome.

And not only did I do it WITHOUT hurting myself it was a great way to start to my day and I’m still smiling. Although Shannon tweeted me later to say I may not be smiling tomorrow.

Oh shit.

Here we go…

Yes, I am blogging. Why?

I am about to make some big changes in my life and the process of writing helps keep me on track and gives me perspective as I work through issues (and I know there are going to be many) by getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper, even if virtual. When I do this, I always end up discovering something more than if I had just milled it around in my head. Writing also dumps the more unproductive thoughts out of my head so I can get some peace and move on.

Do I care if anyone reads this? Yes and no. Part of me really just wants to be able to look back and see progress. Progress will be my ultimate motivator in making these changes and this is a good method for me to monitor it and celebrate milestones along the way. It is also kind of cathartic to lay it all out there (within reason of course) and say, this is me – right now and in progress.

I’m going to share my honest thoughts and perspective which aren’t always going to look pretty and may surprise those of you who know me and think I have my shit together. By the way, I don’t… and don’t really think any of us do. Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t going to be a self-deprecating, “relate to me because I’ve had hard times too” sort of place. I have a ton of gratitude and appreciate all I have but what I’ve recently been willing to admit is that I hold myself back from having a fuller life. A fuller life for ME – not my kids and not my husband. They have their big places in  my life but know that we (women) are more likely to care about other peoples needs first and make excuses why we don’t need to be at the top of the list. It just doesn’t feel right to a lot of us. I want to change this. Not because I am a narcissistic person, I simply want to include myself in the top two or three so I can have something for me at the end of the day and to have more to give and share with the others in my list. Hence my need to write it down and exorcise some of the crap I think that keeps me stuck in a place I don’t want to be. This is my starting point. The good, bad and fugly.

So what’s ahead? Lots.

This week I embark on two major steps forward in my effort to grab the reigns of my life and ‘live the hell out of it’, or in other words, to consciously participate in my life by not sitting back and letting my life live me – if that makes sense.

Step 1. Pursue a healthier, LESS FAT body so that I first and foremost feel like a rock star and secondly I can keep up with the three energetic men in my life and even kick their butts if the situation arises … and look good doing it.

Step 2. Begin my journey to become a certified life and business coach.

It all begins for me this Wednesday when I begin E.A.T!, a 10 week nutrition course that intends to teach me how to eat for weight loss and optimal health. Did I mention that in the first class we bare-all… that means measurements, weigh-ins and BEFORE photos…. insert a big loud “Faaaaaaaack!” here. Wednesday should make for a sobering post.

The less humiliating and more exciting of the two steps is happening on Friday when I begin coach training with CTI in Vancouver. I have no idea what to expect and will explain how I got to this decision in later posts. But from what I’ve been told by friends and coaches I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and learning from – – I am headed for an incredible ride and that I was meant to do this.

And yes, I am going to do this while caring for a teething 4 month old and tantrum-perfecting 3 year old. Why not wait until things calm down? Because they won’t. Ever. And I am learning that I talk myself out of things too many times and end up doing nothing. No more excuses.

Luckily, I am also blessed with a husband that has a flexible work schedule as he builds a thriving acupuncture clinic and have the support of family and friends who offered to swoop in and help me get this done. (THANK YOU!!!) The main reason this is happening is because I asked for help and got it. Who knew that worked?!! This is something I’m learning I need to do more.

Until my next post later this week, I will do my best not to eat and drink as if each meal were my last. Kinda like CRAMMING before a test, only with food.

And just so you know – while writing this, my three year old was babysat by Spiderman and his Amazing Friends (thank you Netflix) and my 4 month old literally had poop coming out of every neck, arm and leg hole of his onesie with him and I both needing a Silkwood shower to recover. Here’s hoping I can do this and not completely neglect my kids in the process.

Wish me luck.